4th Quarter

I haven't had a single football game go my way all year. Not one. I'd really like to see the Saints win this game.

The whole premise of Undercover Boss, that not a single rank and file worker would recognize their own CEO, is pretty remarkable to me.

I feel so comfortable watching Drew Brees lead this drive. I don't think he'll ever throw another interception as long as he lives.

I predict that the Saints will get a touchdown, will go for two, and that I will be nervous. That's my prediction. Let's see what happens.

Yup. Nervous as fuck. Although. That looked fucking complete.

Oh! This cow wants to be a fucking Budweiser horse! Just like that dog a few years ago.

Holy shit, overturned. This is fantastic.

Now if they can just stop Peyton Manning from doing what he does 100% of the time, we'll really have something here.

HOOOHYLYLLLYYLLYY FFUVKCING SHITTTTT GAME OVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

My prediction is that the game is over.

Doritos has officially overtaken Bud Light as the worst advertiser in Super Bowl history with that stupid fucking ad in the gym.

That was horrible clock management by the Colts.

Well good for the fucking Saints. Hurricane Katrina. Super Bowl XLIV. Everything evens out in the end.

3rd quarter

HOOOOOOOOLYYYYYY FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!

Onside kick. I just don't know what to make of that call, but that sure was an exciting way to start the third quarter of the fucking Super Bowl.

God dammit that ruled. So frequently the world's most exciting onside kick recoveries lead to threes and out. No matter what happens, I'll be happy for at least the next five minutes.

The problem with rooting against Peyton Manning is that he's so fucking good.

Garrett Hartley has been pretty fucking impressive.

I kind of liked that Google commercial where they tracked some guy's trip to Paris and marriage to his French girlfriend through his Google searches. My roommate hated it though. Then again, my roommate hates everything.

If I can't get enough of the super bowl ads, i can go to cbssports.com/superbowlads and watch them all again. God that is useful information. It reminds me of the time Jerry Seinfeld went on The Daily Show to talk about his new American Express ad that was twelve minutes long and only available on the internet, and Jon Stewart said, "That's good, because the two most frequent complaints I hear about commercials is that they are too short and that they are not difficult enough to access."

Nfl.com just ran an ad with an Arcade Fire song. Good for them.

Now.....BRING ON THE 4TH QUARTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Super Bowl Live Blog-2nd quarter

They just ran two consecutive ads about not wearing pants. I guess that wasn't what they were about, exactly, but that was the gag, and they were both stupid. I wonder if they were juxtaposed deliberately for that reason. I find myself wondering why anyone anywhere ever found Super Bowl ads funny. I do have fond memories of the Bud Bowl, though. That was a good idea for sure.

Ah! An ad featuring sperm! However, the ad returned to a theme that I thought my colleague and I had successfully boycotted out of existence: being a man. That said, the ad did feature sperm.

I think it's worth noting that this is the first year in at least two years where one of the quarterbacks isn't an outspoken admirer of Jesus Christ. I don't really know what either of these quarterbacks think about Jesus Christ, but when you are an NFL quarterback and have favorable views of Jesus Christ, they tend to bubble to the surface. Also, Drew Brees seems too intelligent.

Okay, the New Orleans Saints are finally ON THE MARCH!!!! 2nd and goal. Let's see how they fuck this up. Ah! False start. That's a good start. I don't know who this Thomas guy is who plays runningback for the Saints, but I'm starting to like him.

Well I sure wish the Saints' stupid fucking 4th down call had scored a touchdown.

Okay, 10-6 at halftime. Oh! and they just said the halftime show would feature The Jew! Now this should be interesting.

Doritos seems to be working on eclipsing Bud Light for the title of Most Aggravating Super Bowl Advertiser. I think they're still a couple of years away, but keep an eye on them.

While my roommate and I suffer through the opening act for The Jew, we had a debate about how to pronounce Brett Favre's name. I told him that I'm all in favor of giving people some leeway on how to pronounce their own names but that pronouncing the letters out of order is just fucking insane. I've always been afraid to look it up though, in case there was some obscure reason why I was wrong, and then I'd have to stop being mad about it. So I finally bit the bullet and looked it up, and of course that's exactly what happened. Or so I thought. Here's the explanation: Understand that when people pronounce Favre as "Far -Ve," it is a linguistic phenomenon called "metathesis." Metathesis occurs when two neighboring sounds in a word switch places. Metathesis occurs with many words in English and other languages. Some examples in English include "comfortable" pronounced as "comfterble," "spaghetti" pronounced as "pasghetti," and "asterisk" pronounced as "asteriks."

This is their fucking explanation???? Granted I got it from ehow.com, the stupidest website on the internet, but jesus christ. Some dumbass childish mispronunciations constitute a linguistic phenomenon??

Wow, did anyone else notice that they didn't ship in tons of prancing idiots to dance around The Who during the halftime show? Also, I think they should have brought Bruce Springsteen back this year to help promote their new show, Undercover Boss. Talk about Boss time!!!!

4th quarter

I'm expecting to be disappointed by the 4th quarter. But that also means that it could be the most exciting quarter of all time. How many things that I've expected to be disappointed by have I been disappointed by? 100 percent. That's what would make a Cardinals comeback so remarkable.

Well once again something great happened for the Cardinals that was taken back by a penalty.

If something doesn't happen soon this could be the worst super bowl i've ever seen.

Speaking of which, these Super Bowl ads have been predictably horrible. I think I used to like the Super Bowl ads, but that might just be because I used to be very young. I haven't enjoyed them for many years.

Ho hum. The steelers are going to punt. fuck me. here comes some bullshit.

If he doesnt just start throwing up bombs to larry fitzgerald then he's a fucking nog.

All of the sudden shit is getting interesting.

Fuck me arizona just took a timeout. God I officially hate Vizio and their condescending announcer. This is going to take a lot more beer. Oh okay thank the fuck god. that was a pttsburgh timeout. kjdfslgkjsdklgsd;lfgsdlfjglksdfgksfgsljlsdgjlf FUCK YYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU TOUCHDOWN FITZGERALD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKJ YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well hulu just had a disturbing and fucking stupid ad starring alec baldwin.

I haven't seen a 1 second commercial for miller high life yet. thats disappointing.

holy fuck its 4th down. cardinals have achance! cardinals have a chance! fuck me in the asshole! the cardinals have a chance!

PERSONAL THE FUCK FOUL!

I've been spending my whole life listening to john madden tell me that they usually catch the 2nd guy in a skirmish. HOLY FUCK 99 YARD PLAY!!!!!!!


I am officially nervous. 3rd and 20. Come on jesuss. pick kurt. well, i want to die...for the time being.

OK pitt on their own one. 2nd and ten. come the fuck on. pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. holy shit this is exciting,.looks like it could have been a safety. thanks for your help 58. 3rd and ten steelers from your own one. well im going to kill myself. 9ohohoijdfgkakghdfjkghdfgjg kjs d cu eufidiufhuidhudsfisfhjskfjksadhfjkasdhfkjsahdfjhsdfjhsdfjksdfkjdfkjhaskfasdf ghoholhlyl l thefuckkk shitiitttt

holy fucking the fuck guckukity shit. a safety. god i remember when biggie smalls used to eat sardines for dinner. here we fucking go. HERE WE FUCKING GO!!!!!!

FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK YOU FUCK YOUR MOTHER FUCK FUCK FUCKFU CK UF HOLY SHIT LARRY FITZGERLAD IS FUCKING JESUS CHRIST ASSHOLES DILDOS FRENCH KISSING FUUUUUUUCCCKKKK MEMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god dammit.

3rd quarter

I'm pretty disappointed with the way jesus christ decided to desert Kurt Warner at the last second of the first half of the fucking Super Bowl. Let's see if he(jesus christ) can redeem himself. Of course this week Ben Roethlisberger has been exposed as a pretty big jesus freak himself. That could be trouble. It's like that saved by the bell episdoe where kelly has to choose between slater and zack.

Okay, here we go. I'm cautiously not suicidal. A slow, controlled drive seems to be developing. Okay, I'm recklessly suicidal. They just called the world's dumbest pass by Warner a fumble. I don't blame them for wanting to apply the most pejorative term they have at their disposal to that pass, because it was fucking awful. But that was no fucking fumble.

Here's a mafia commercial that i bet is a verizon commercial. Nope, it's Denny's.

Okay. Incomplete pass. I still wish I were dead, but I'm not suicidal.

Kurt Warner is on the sidelines telling everyone who's not jesus to fuck off.

The new The Office that's coming on after the game looks great. I hope I'm not too hammered to understand the jokes when it comes on.


WWHHHHATTTTTTTTTTTTT THE FUCK????

roughing the passer????? that was intentional the grounding!!! not roughing the passer!!!!! god i wish i were dead.

Okay it's 3rd and goal for the steelers. I guarantee that they will get a tocuhdown. fucking guaranteed. whewwwwwwwwww. ok. turns out i'm kf uc ufkcuf... oh my god i'm going to kill myself. fuck me jesus christ fuck me. i hate sports. personal foul on arizona. first down pittsburgh. jeeeeeeeeeeesus tippped pass, rolle almost got it. please fucking stop them... THEY FUCKING STOPPED THEM!!!!!!!!!! that is unfucking believable.


Okay. Brenda Warner not only is no longer a wire-haired gremlin, but she looks pretty fucking hot with long blond locks. I'm pretty perplexed by this.

Halftime

Halftime has been a little gee so far. I wonder who it is exactly that gets to go down on the field and prance around like total assholes on the field as Bruce Springsteen plays a million songs that I've probably heard. Is it a mass exodus from the snack line? First come first to get to prance around like an asshole in the first row? The NFL seems too organized and corporate for that. However, it is nice to see Silvio playing some kind of guitar in that stupid head scarf thing. Silvio just declared that it's Boss time. Let's see what that means........ Hard to say. Pretty indistinguishable from the 10 minutes that preceded Boss time. Bruce just said he's going to Disneyland. That was stupid. Now John Goodman(I think) is telling me about the Toyota Tundra. What I'd really like is to see him smack the piss out of that smug fuck Howie Long.

I hate this new T-Mobile commercial featuring Ben Wallace

I just think it's gay.

Does this ever happen to anybody else?

Sometimes I'll be in the shower, washing the ol' self, and I'll totally forget what I've washed and what I haven't washed. I don't want to wash something twice, because I don't want to have dry skin, and I don't want to wash it zero times, because I smell bad enough as it is. So sometimes I'll try to go by if it feels greasy or not, but sometimes I'll end up convincing myself that a washed part feels as greasy as an unwashed part ought to, and I'll wash it again, only to discover my mistake later when my skin is dry as hell. So what can I do? I've tried to develop a routine, but it seems like as soon as I get in the shower my mind starts wandering and I'm just washing whatever strikes my fancy again. I think it's something about the hot water that makes me lose focus and stray from my goals. Like sometimes I'll go into the shower dead set on masturbating, but then as I'm turning off the water and stepping out I'll realize that I haven't masturbated a single time.

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